Martha's Dignity, My Infertility

You could throw a proverbial rock into the Christian interwebs and the chances would be pretty good that you'd hit a blog that teaches women the virtue of how to be a "Mary" in a "Martha" world. It seems to be the *it* thing to write about as a female Christian blogger and you can find just about any of the advice that you are looking for, whether it be in checklist form, countdown form, prose around biblical verses, or some snazzy pin with a pretty graphic.....unless you want to explore the dignity and virtue of Martha.

If you've read Luke 10:38-42, then you know the story. Martha worries about serving, Mary lounges at the Lord's feet. Martha is anxious and seeking for Christ's validation. Mary is carefree and hanging on Christ's every word. No, I'm not a biblical scholar.... thank you for asking! :)

The interesting thing to me though (but that I never read in all these Christian blogs and analyses of Martha/Mary) when people are referencing this story is this: the good of Martha. We focus on what we perceive are Martha's shortcomings or what we perceive are her missteps. And more often, I think we see her as the woman who doesn't find favor with the Lord in those verses. Don't be like Martha is the mantra we're all taught. But by comparing Martha to Mary.... we really don't afford Martha her dignity. As women - and humans - we don't get the luxury of comparison without the consequence of being sinful. We are not all just compilations of our sins... there is dignity imparted onto our souls by God Himself and it is greater than our missteps, failings, and sins. Put more simply, our job isn't to judge Mary or Martha, but that role is left open only to Christ's bailiwick. And what does He do when the opportunity to judge and compare is upon Him? He does neither.

I feel like infertility has taught me a lot about Martha. Infertility taught me to eagerly welcome Christ... just like Martha. Infertility reminds me of all the worries and anxieties that I possess.... much like Martha. And maybe most poignantly, the path to and through infertility reminds me of the intense feeling that I've been denied by Christ. But that isn't really what Christ did, is it?

Martha served Christ...freely, enthusiastically, and seeking favor. Even when what seemed most important to her was not granted, I believe Christ's exact words in that passage afford her dignity more than they point to someone else being more virtuous. His careful words address her worry directly as a balm and He focuses on what she needs in light of what she wants. We should all be thankful for that kind of attention, right? Notice that Christ's words don't actually offer a comparison of the sisters. It's a powerful passage to reflect on, if you look at it from that vantage point and reread His actual words carefully. He certainly could have compared them, but look at what He did instead.

Let me never judge anyone who enthusiastically seeks to serve the Lord for any reason. Let me focus more on what Christ says to me alone. And if I feel denied in my request when I feel unfairly left alone to carry what I see as the heavier burden, let me remember the tenderness with which Christ will speak to me if I seek His Will. I get there by recognizing the good of Martha, not by comparing her to anyone. And maybe there is something to that cartoon I drew a couple years ago after all....

New Year's Calling

Now that I've thoroughly run off all my new readers with my *tasteful* infertility cartoons, I thought it was high time to deliver on my promise to offer resolutions this year. I have a lot of hope for the year ahead, but it's gotten off to a bit of a rocky start. We're trying to put our faith in front of us and let it lead the way in the months to come. Without further ado, here are this blog's New Year's resolutions for 2015:

1. Things will be pretty!

Anyone notice that I recently learned how to make circular buttons on this page? Circles have no right to make me this happy...but they do. They are just so much prettier than rectangles, aren't they?! I love learning how to make things prettier. I will keep investing time in 2015 to learn how to make this blog pretty. Not for the skill of it, per se. My effort in 2015 will have no other purpose than just to make things pretty for their own sake. Photos. Cartoons. Design changes (as I learn them). I spent too many years not indulging in my love of pretty things. Now I have a blog. I can do whatever I want for no reason at all. If you blog, doesn't it kindasorta feel like the grown-up version of playing make-pretend with dolls?

2. Things will be simple!

This is not a business venture. It is just a personal blog. I'm not writing because I want you buy something or because I care who clicks on things. I'm writing because it is helping me process this journey. For an introvert, this IS out loud! I will occasionally offer advice where I might have life experience to offer it, but I will not preach at you or tell you how and where to buy things. This is not going to be a monetized, affiliated, or sponsored blog. That said, keep an eye out for some downloadable awesomeness coming your way in February! 

3. Things will be mixed up a bit!

I keep saying I'm going to branch out and post other things. I even write the posts, y'all. But then I never publish them. "People didn't come here to read that" I tell myself. Pish posh. 2015 is the year to stop second guessing myself. I hope to post more about exploring my faith through the lens of IF. Maybe a little more creative writing (...I was shocked at how well Castaway was received from all the thoughtful private messages I received on my contact form!...also how is that ranked NINTH on G.oogle when you type in Castaway?!) I'm also working on a series of different places and ways to conceive hope around the house and in life... we'll see how that turns out. I just don't want this to be exclusively an outlet for IF sadness and I feel sometimes I have made it that. Maybe that's all I had at the time? That and lots of terrible pictures of uteri...  BUT YOU LOVE THOSE!! :P

4. There will be guest posting!

I spent several years just silently reading blogs all over the internet and never commenting. I followed mom blogs and IF blogs and Catholic blogs of all kinds. But I never joined in the conversation. Not once! That's a thing of the past now. Not only am I putting more effort into interacting with others online, but I will also be guest posting (and perhaps sponsoring a guest poster or two??) this year. Keep your eyes peeled for both! I'll make sure to update face.book, pin.terest, and g.oogle+ with links, so follow along there too.

5. There will be lists!

I have started to realize just how much information has been digested over the past couple years. It's hard to remember what you didn't know...isn't it? And it was even harder to manage the steep learning curve of taking it all in! We're nowhere near done learning, but I want to start writing down what we've figured over the past couple years. Medically. Spiritually. Emotionally. All of it. But in easily absorbable chunks. You shouldn't have to figure this out on your own. Yes, some of it will really be to catalog it for ourselves, but honestly....the blogs I came across where people had done the same thing... those were tremendously helpful. I want to offer more to the blogosphere that can be helpful. We're going to start by making a list for ourselves of all the things we wish we had known at the beginning of this journey...and will likely use that as our guide for future posts this year. If you have any recommendations - let us know in the comments or on the contact form. It can be a past struggle, something you are currently wrestling with, or something you have no idea how to tackle. Catholicism. Marriage. Faith. IF. Finding hope in everyday things. Something else entirely. We're up for any of it.

So there it is. Five things we resolve to do in 2015. Notice how none of them revolved around having children, medical treatment, or any of the rest of what 2014 was all about? My intention is to come back to this post in the months ahead and tag anything we accomplished. Any bets on how well that will go? Do you have any resolutions this year?

7 Quick Takes Friday - First Edition! :)

I'm linking up with Conversion Diary to try out this 7 Quick Takes Friday deal-i-o. Here's to trying new things for the month of October. Also, here's to challenging myself to be worthy of all of the prayers people are offering for me, and to do more good with the life I have right now. Today, I'm going to start with these 7 things.

--1--

Today is the first Friday of a new month, so that means we're all praying for a new blogger. Please join me in offering up prayers for someone I consider a friend.  If you visit that link, you'll read a lot of wonderfully articulated thoughts she presents on infertility, marriage, faith, and so many other topics. Truly, Connie is a special person. Love her!

--2--

It's Fall, y'all! :) October is a reminder that all things, even in their decline in nature, are made beautiful through their transformation. And hope will spring again in the new year when life is reborn in nature. I challenge myself and my readers to soak in all that is October. The sights. The smells. The tastes. I'm claiming this this month for myself and hope you'll join me, in doing so for yourself. Let's decide how we might be able to experience a death to ourselves this Autumn to be made new again in the Spring. I'm positive that God rewards this kind of sacrificial effort. Making the deliberate attempt seems worth it. And it seems like a great way to prepare for Advent as well...

--3--

Getting to know you: I want to take this month to get to know my readers more. Here at Conceiving Hope, I only have 7 followers. I have a couple more via facebook. But there are thousands of unique visits to this blog. That means there are a lot of people silent in the background. If you are reading, I want to get to know you a little more, if I can. Comment on my posts and let me know what you think. Was it helpful? Did you disagree? Do you want to see me write about something else? Do you blog? If so, I'd love to follow you! Please post a comment or drop me a message on my contact form and let me know how to follow you. I can't stress this enough - the community I have found in my readers has really informed my conscience on so many levels. Let's form a tighter knit network and support each other better.

--4-- 

Something different: I'm considering writing about some other topics to give myself a little space from the weight and in-your-face-ness of IF right now. What would you like to see me branch out to talking about? Faith, photography, food, daily recaps? Give me your best ideas...

--5--

My next post is going to focus on Catholic family life. I'd like to encourage you to share the post everywhere you can. Changing our language is a big part of changing our collective understanding on this topic. Please use twitter, facebook, pinterest, and instagram...or anywhere you share links or photos. The name of the post will be "Good Catholic Families" and this will be the Permalink: 

http://conceivinghope.blogspot.com/2014/10/good-catholic-families.html

--6--

Conceiving Hope is now on Pinterest! If you'd like to follow - you can go to this link and that will show you our fledgling little page:

http://www.pinterest.com/conceivinghope/

--7--

This past week has been filled with a lot of delicious food over here at Conceiving Hope. I've been wanting to start sharing some recipes with you for a while, so here is a delicious one that I think some of you might love. It's dairy-free, gluten-free optional when you use GF spaghetti, and you can easily swap out the meat if you can't do seafood. Take my word for it - serve this with a garlic aoli. Click on the picture to head on over to the recipe.

The Conception of Hope

Romans 5:1-8 

Faith, Hope, and Love

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access [by faith] to this grace in which we stand, and we boast in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us. For Christ, while we were still helpless, yet died at the appointed time for the ungodly. Indeed, only with difficulty does one die for a just person, though perhaps for a good person one might even find courage to die. But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. 

So here is the part where I embark on writing down some of the steps along this journey. All journeys begin with just one step, and yet I've already taken so many as I arrive at this blog today. I hope to chronicle some of the moments along this path in a way that is pleasing to God, but I also hope that in writing down my thoughts, trials, victories, and experiences...that I find a sense of peace in the decisions I've made along the way.

As of today, my husband and I are struggling with infertility. Like so many, we want to grow our family and we want our marriage to be more than tangentially fruitful. So while we learn and try and do and pray to the best of our abilities that God's will for our life includes a baby in our arms (who am I kidding - I'm praying for twins).... today at least, we have to come to grips that our dreams are in the distance.
 
For right now, we are capable only of conceiving hope and maybe that's not a bad place to be.