My Big Fat Tuesday

Jesus Took the Wheel!

***UPDATED: We have completed fundraising, but you can read more about what motivated this journey in a post of called Q&A.***

I'm writing today to follow-up on my 7QT post this past Friday where I mentioned possible training to become an FCP. Y'all, God has a bulldozer. A big one. And he ran it through my entire world this past weekend and right over top of me on Monday.

I'm officially an applicant, waiting to hear if I've been accepted (and if I qualified for a very generous scholarship through OSV to fund half of it!). So that's how I will start Lent this year...on a journey, waiting in anticipation...how Catholic?!

We learned about the opportunity on Friday when I posted about it. I dipped my toe in the water enough to ask for more information and what I received from the other end of my message was a very sincere, heartfelt cheerleader encouraging me to apply, despite the odds being truly stacked against me. You see, it was a holiday weekend and the application was due on President's Day Monday (yesterday). There were 16 pages between the two applications, a handful of essays, a need for a recent picture, and THREE written recommendations (including one from my pastor).

All of that might sound unlikely, but not *completely* impossible until you add in all of the other extenuating circumstances that surrounded this weekend. Plans to be out of town this weekend (celebrating my birthday with friends), a giant snowstorm that rolled in with fierce gale-force winds and took out the power, internet, and phone access. So add no power, below zero temperatures, and no access to phone, printer, or computer...and you'd have an uphill battle, right?

Add in my vehicle not starting, needing to have written proof of funding commitments to the tune of thousands of dollars, no ability to scan the documents (if I found a place open to print them!), a dead battery on my cell phone that had no calling credit on it, and a closed parish office where the pastor had the day off.

NOW you are starting to get a sense for how big God's bulldozer is, right?? :)

So while the Holy Spirit interceded and literally pummeled every last single one of those obstacles, there is still a need for fundraising. We were not really in a position to take on this challenge financially right now, but all of the people we know (including 3 Na.Pro doctors) encouraged us to push ahead with this rare scholarship opportunity (and because I have the time to focus on studying right now). As much as it pains me to ask, I would be grateful if you prayerfully considered contributing. We have opted not to use a go.fund.me account right now (they take a HUGE % cut from the donations, and I have a terribly unique name and this would be the only search engine result for me). There are a number of important practical reasons why we didn't choose that route to "crowdsource" things, but one of them really is that I'm blogging anonymously here. It's awkward wanting to start a ministry and not being in a place financially to fund it. So...my compromise was adding a Pay.Pal button attached to the top right of the page. You are free to ignore it, use it, pray about it, ask me how fundraising is going, anything! Praying my readers won't be upset at me asking here...

No donation would be too small, and I am deeply humbled for anything that is offered (including what has already been offered to us to get this far!!). Christ has just made it clear what He wants us to be doing right now...so we are listening and trusting and following and hoping our readers will be supportive in prayer first (and only financially, if you feel so called).

Thank you for considering spiritual and tangible help. If we are fully funded and accepted, the immersive education program that would begin in less than 3 weeks. If for any reason we are not accepted, we will be promptly issuing full returns of all of the donations we have received.   With that said, we will also keep you updated here on the status of my application. We expect to hear back soon and we already know that it was received with great hope and joy and the committee is actively reviewing it! (UPDATED: I was accepted!) So far, our doctor, a physician's assistant, a nurse, my own FCP, a local FCP center, a famous Catholic apologist, and two friends have been generous in donating to this effort.

Now...with that all out of the way...where are these gluten-free pancakes I'm supposed to be stuffing my face with?? ;)

Seven Quick Takes (#5)

Assault and arrest: So a few days ago, while at a dollar store for a some inexpensive Valentine's Day odds and ends I needed to assemble a care package, a man approached me. Mid-thirties black man (very disheveled, dressed all in black). He tells me I look friendly and he needs help. I was prepared to help right then. He pulls out a gloved hand rather abruptly, but it just has 2 quarters in it. I breathed a visible sigh of relief as he proceeded to ask me for cash NOW. I smiled at him and told him that while I was unemployed and had no "cash" I could spare at the moment, I would happily share my lunch with him. He makes a sudden move to knock into me and someone else comes into the aisle at the same time (so thankful!) and I yelled out to her "THERESE - what in the world are YOU doing here!" (like I knew her...). It was enough to distract him and I quickly hurried away. Then I apologize to the stranger at the end of the aisle and tried to explain myself. She interrupted me and goes on to tell me that he just cornered her and threatened her one aisle over. Eek. Then another woman walks up to both of us and says he did the same thing to her last Thursday, and yet another said he did it to her last Saturday. Then we hear another woman sounding like she was in distress an aisle over. So I discreetly make a bee line for the manager, she deals with it. I check out and leave. End of a not-so-eventful-story, right? So then I walk across the parking lot as I leave the store (in silence), the hair on the back of my neck suddenly feels electrically charged and stands up on end with goosebumps for NO reason. I get a sudden feeling of panic rush through me and I turn around, prepared to confront an attacker. It's the creepy guy from the store. Only he isn't coming for me. This time he has a couple (man and woman) up against their car and making threatening gestures at them. They are mid-assault and I know I can't physically overpower the guy and stop the assault. Somehow your brain just makes decisions in that fight-or-flight mode. I ran into the next retail store in front of me, get them to call a cop who is stationed at the shopping center (so glad I knew that detail about that shopping center!). By the time the cop arrived (literally 2 minutes), the guy had run off to the other long end of the shopping center parking lot, having gotten nothing from the couple. And the panicked couple is now huddled in their car in tears, while the attacker is now lifting handles on cars trying to get into them. So I literally walked up to the guy WITH THE COP as he's trying to break into cars and say "that's the guy" and then disappeared as he's being arrested (which I totally told the cop I was going to do beforehand...and he agreed that was fine). Bizarre experience, scared the daylights out of me. Thankful that the guy never saw my car, in case he frequents that shopping center (who knows!). I did go back and tell the managers of both stores that he was apprehended. Both were women who had to work late and close the store by themselves that night and I had remembered that detail. The look of relief on their faces... it was a gift. I'm praying for that man though (he told me his name was 'Marcus', though who knows if that's true!). So, prayers for Marcus, please. Whatever led him to those choices definitely needs some prayer added.




35th Birthday: Yesterday was my birthday and I was completely overwhelmed with love by SO many friends and family. From the massive pile of FB messages and PMs alone (over 100!!), it was just so heartwarming. I just wanted to take the time HERE to say that you all made my day. Last year on that same date, we "finished" miscarrying our daughter. It was a dark thing to happen on your birthday and I never thought I'd want to celebrate another one again. You all made it better by throwing so much love at me. I knew it came from women and men who have been through loss themselves, grieved the emptiness of their own wombs, and yearned for children. 35 is a dark birthday for any woman trying to conceive because you *know* your risks increase and that your fertility decreases (can it actually decrease from zilch?). So amazingly, y'all made it a special one in SPITE of that just by taking the time to send so much love my way. Many, many thanks for that gesture. It made a big difference in my world! And there was only one friend who texted me "Happy birthday, hope you can get pregnant and STAY that way!" Uhhhh...................thanks?




Snow: I was born in a blizzard. And for the past 35 years, it has always snowed a little (if not a LOT) on my birthday no matter where I have found myself on that day. Florida comes to the top of my head of odd places that it snowed while I visited on my February birthday! Anyhow, this year did not disappoint. I warned people to ignore the forecast for whatever it said and to expect snow of some kind (like I do every year - I'm like the Paul Revere of February 12th snow!). Yet with 50ish degree F (10 C) weather called for on the news and online and only the tiniest % of snow listed...I think they said 2% last I heard? (I don't even pay attention to weathermen on my birthday anymore) I knew there would at least be flakes, if not more. People refused to believe me. Mocked me, even! So you all can imagine my pure joy when all of my friends I have in my city began to post pictures of the snow and declare their shock, awe, and amazement. Snow is my birthday present from God. At least, it has been for 35 years. It wasn't enough to stick...but the beautiful little flakes still fell and everyone stopped for a moment to take it in with silent awe. It was a great gift.

What infertile women eat: Cupcakes! Fruit Tarts! Massive quantities of sashimi and avocados! Being on a restrictive diet usually means birthday celebrations that involve food aren't thought to be much fun. I didn't expect much in the way of a "treat" this year given that I'm just in the beginning stages of food reintroductions after a full month of Paleo AIP. And if you read last week, even that wasn't going so well! Despite all that, I wanted a yummy birthday treat. I found this Paleo-friendly french silk pie. The photos were amazing (red flag! Paleo dessert photos lie!!!). It was such an absolute disaster. And I say that as someone with a fair amount of culinary and pastry skill. Be warned. So needless to say, I quickly abandoned that idea and re-purposed the ingredients into two things I knew would work. One was a fruit tart (GF crust, coconut cream "custard" and some fruit compote for the creamy layer, and fresh berries on top with a honey gelatin glaze) and the other were some GF cupcakes (one of which I freely admit I ate for breakfast - long running birthday tradition!). The cupcakes turned out INSANELY good. Triple chocolate fudge, and coated with cocoa nibs. I was just floored at the yumminess. It wasn't good for "what it was"....it was just GOOD. Completely winged it though, because I was working with failed recipe leftovers from something else. Hoping I can recreate them now! Anyone else who is on an AI diet (or Paleo or Whole 30, etc. etc. etc.) will understand how rare these kinds of insanely delicious treats are. Since it was my birthday, dinner needed to be something special too. My favorite grocery store had sashimi grade Ahi on sale and when I told the clerk I was shopping for birthday dinner ideas, he marked it over 50% off the sale tag and said "enjoy and happy birthday!". Instructions followed, kind sir - it was definitely enjoyed! Ate like a queen today, very unexpectedly.... :)

Catholic praise: I posted a blog yesterday where I did a mash-up of online marriage retreats. Just something I thought of on the fly the day before. It took a while to put together because of so many links and media that needed to be embedded into the post. Anyhow, I didn't expect much. Not many people ever read my little blog. Just a handful of people, I think. To my giant surprise, a few different diocesan offices from around the US have contacted me and asked permission to republish that blog post on their websites as a resource for their parishioners! To say that I'm surprised (and delighted) is beyond an understatement. Honored? Humbled? Anyhow, not "bragging" so much as just sharing here, because these three retreats are what DH and I are going to be adding for Lent this year. Thought y'all might like the idea too and that's why I'm sharing it here, in case you missed it yesterday! :)




FCP Training: I received an email about a potential scholarship for EP1 of FCP training (that's 'education phase 1' for non C.reighton/NaP.ro people - it's 1 of 2 intensive Master's level classes required to become an FCP, both 'classes' are over a week long and completely immersive). The woman in charge of this particular educational program sent the message to me yesterday when she couldn't have known it was my birthday. She told me I was a perfect candidate for their program and hoped that I would apply. She went on to share the details, including all the necessary applications for the program and the scholarship (the program involves a year commitment, the scholarship might involve partial grant for tuition). Well......the deadline is February 16th...a mere 3 days from now. She said she was trusting that God will help move some mountains if it's supposed to happen right now for me.  This might be a good time to share a little personal tidbit about myself. Of all the jobs I've had in my entire life...most of them were offered to me on my birthday. Never planned, it's just always gone like that for some weird reason. My DH and I can't help but think we need to pay attention to this extra little detail of the "timing". What are your thoughts, internets? The tuition and fees themselves for the first phase are about $3,000. We don't have that kind of money to spare. That means we'd be entirely dependent on a partial scholarship (if we got it), and potentially having to crowd source the rest. That makes me really uncomfortable even thinking about this. And I don't even think I know enough people who have a clue what C.reighton is enough that they might consider donating to that cause. Sigh. So my hopefulness that this is something I should be moving in the direction towards wavers because of that one obstacle. But yet we don't have time for anything to waver! We have 3 days to process these thoughts/emotions and to apply for something that is going to involve a LOT of time, resources, frustrations (I'm sure!)... but I digress. Anyhow, would love your feedback, suggestions, thoughts, etc. about this one in the comments. It would help.

Host

Go visit our gracious Seven Quick Takes host for the link-up @ This Ain't the Lyceum!

Theology of Groundhog Day

Today is one of my favorite holidays, for many reasons that I will eventually get around to writing about, but it crept up on me this year. In the meantime, here's a little Catholic fun, thanks to another brilliant blogger. Do yourself a favor and check out her Groundhog Day post here.

And do yourself another favor and give this a whirl today when you get a chance. It's a slow, rainy, gloomy day here - just the kind of day my DH loves - and just the kind where I find myself enjoying a cover like this one.

And if you are lucky enough to be wading in snow, do yourself a favor and make a snowman. No one ever regretted making a snowman. I promise. Really. Pretty sure God said that somewhere or something...

Do you want to build a snowman?

Speaking of snow, people ask me (a LOT) if it snows in Ireland. For decades, you could have easily said no. But it does every now and then, when things line up perfectly. And when it does, it's magic. Here's proof that Ireland gets snow. It's so rare, that people - nay children, grown men, and the elderly - all join in to make snowmen. This one was my DH's first ever... and he exudes a bit of Bill Murray if I do say so myself...

Quite the patriot, no?

Maybe if I get my act together and write down why Groundhog Day is special to our relationship...I can have it up by next year. Until then, I leave you with this tender thought and encourage you to hug someone you love. Life is short. Tell someone you love them while they sleep. I did and my life hasn't ever been the same since.

But what is today in our faith? Candlemas. A new beginning. Just as the snowdrops push through the snow in the cold of early February, so too are Catholics reminded of the rebirth to come. Candlemas is actually a celebration of a few things: the presentation of baby Jesus in the temple 40 days after His birth, and a commemoration of the purification of the Blessed Mother. All of this makes sense in the context of ancient Jewish law, even if it isn't our custom today. Even today though, many couples dedicate their firstborn child to God. I can't help but think of our Ruadhán Pádraig at this moment. We never got a chance to present him in our church. How it is possible to feel so close to someone you never met...I will never understand. But I digress. I always digress. Sigh. These are for you, son:

Ok, back to Candlemas. Jesus was presented at the temple. Simeon prayed over Him, and he broke out into song. I'm not making this up.
I don't think he did a jig or anything...just the song. :) It's called the Nunc Dimittis.

Simeon's Song of Praise by Aert de Gelder, early 1700s

Nunc dimittis servum tuum, Domine, secundum verbum tuum in pace:

Quia viderunt oculi mei salutare tuum

Quod parasti ante faciem omnium populorum:

Lumen ad revelationem gentium, et gloriam plebis tuae Israel.

Lord, now you let your servant go in peace,

your word has been fulfilled:

My own eyes have seen the salvation,

which you have prepared in the sight of every people:

a light to reveal you to the nations

and the glory of your people Israel.

Isn't it amazing what happened after that song though? Luke 2:33-35 tells us "The child’s father and mother were amazed at what was said about him; and Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, “Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted (and you yourself a sword will pierce) so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.”

Right there in that moment...the crucifixion revealed. On the 40th day, as Mary looked at her newborn son, knowing He would suffer and die in her sight. Suddenly Candlemas seems a pretty heavy day...and one where I'm once again reminded that Mary is not as far from me as I might have thought. I think of all the women who have lost children when I read that passage now. Especially a woman with a recent loss. God bless her and keep her close.

So why is it called Candlemas anyways?

It's actually about candles... shocking, I know. Ok, ok, it's *kind* of about candles. Tradition actually gives us a candlelit Mass. Beeswax ones. They are generally blessed at some point before the twinkly procession with them. We still sing the song that Simeon sang all those years ago. He called Mary's Son the Light to the Revelation of the Gentiles, so it makes sense that we use the symbolism in procession during the Candle Mass. Here's the Gregorian chant version of Nunc dimittis, in case your church doesn't do the procession for some reason:

So how in the world did Candlemas turn into Groundhog Day?

There is definitely symbolism from how the winter contains dark, short days and how light comes forth pretty fast after this date with Spring just after Lent. I have to think that nature is a part of the beautiful metaphor to Simeon's prophecy, but I also think there is a fair amount of superstition involved in tying the two together as well. Candlemas' weather used to be a supposed predictor for an early Spring or a prolonged winter. If the weather was overcast (hello, Ireland?)...well then that was a sure sign that 6 more weeks of winter were ahead!

In Ireland, the day before Candlemas is actually the feast of St. Brigid. And what do we learn from that? If snakes and badgers saw their shadows on St. Brigid's feast (the vigil for Candlemas), then that's a sure sign that 6 more weeks of winter were ahead!

As time went on, and people eventually immigrated to the "new world", you can imagine that these kinds of legends and superstitions were brought with them. But I don't imagine they were finding too many badgers' shadows when they got to America. Europeans likely went with what they had when they landed. And given that a ton of Irish (and German) immigrants ended up in Pennsylvania, it doesn't seem like a stretch (knowing how many groundhogs they likely battled in those parts...) that good ole Punxsutawney Phil rose to fame. He's kind of the poor man's badger. Part of me wants to see him with an Irish hat on top of his fuzzy head...oh wait...what's that...there's the handsome lad:

What does T.S. Eliot have to do with a groundhog from Pennsylvania?

I would also be completely remiss if I didn't mention that I also think of the T.S. Eliot poem A Song for Simeon on this day. In case you've never read the poem, I'm posting it here. It really is lovely. I hope however you celebrate Candlemas and Groundhog Day, you take the time to ponder the meaning.

A Song for Simeon, by Thomas Stearns Eliot

Lord, the Roman hyacinths are blooming in bowls and

The winter sun creeps by the snow hills;

The stubborn season has made stand.

My life is light, waiting for the death wind,

Like a feather on the back of my hand.

Dust in sunlight and memory in corners

Wait for the wind that chills towards the dead land.

Grant us thy peace.

I have walked many years in this city,

Kept faith and fast, provided for the poor,

Have taken and given honour and ease.

There went never any rejected from my door.

Who shall remember my house,

where shall live my children’s children

When the time of sorrow is come ?

They will take to the goat’s path, and the fox’s home,

Fleeing from the foreign faces and the foreign swords.

Before the time of cords and scourges and lamentation

Grant us thy peace.

Before the stations of the mountain of desolation,

Before the certain hour of maternal sorrow,

Now at this birth season of decease,

Let the Infant, the still unspeaking and unspoken Word,

Grant Israel’s consolation

To one who has eighty years and no to-morrow.

According to thy word,

They shall praise Thee and suffer in every generation

With glory and derision,

Light upon light, mounting the saints’ stair.

Not for me the martyrdom, the ecstasy of thought and prayer,

Not for me the ultimate vision.

Grant me thy peace.

(And a sword shall pierce thy heart,

Thine also).

I am tired with my own life and the lives of those after me,

I am dying in my own death and the deaths of those after me.

Let thy servant depart,

Having seen thy salvation.

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Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today. - Phil to Rita, Groundhog Day

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