Monday, September 1, 2014
This Cross I Embrace, then you are probably looking to learn a little more about me (us), our story, and what we're praying for these days. I hope to provide what you're looking for - but if you have any questions or are looking for something you can't find - leave me a message in the comments and I'll be happy to help however I can.
First, I'd like to humbly thank Amy for making me September's Adopt-a-blogger. It is interesting timing, to say the least. If you haven't followed my blog, you can catch up on our Infertility Timeline here. If you *have* been following along, you know that the severe pain and dysfunction I've struggled with for YEARS has recently been vanquished, in no small part to the care and puzzle solving skills of my brilliant NaPro doctor over the past 20 months. I've had two cycles without PMS for the first time in my menstruating life. I've had two textbook cycles for the first time since I began medical treatment and charting. All signs point to hope for amazing things this month with the courage to TTC. If you want to read about why this is such an exciting time in my life, you can read about what things used to be here.
We need so many prayers. Our hearts are broken and so afraid to hope. We fear conception as much as we fear infertility. And as much as we pray so fervently for others - we are wimps here at Conceiving Hope. We are on our knees this month, trying so hard to trust God's will in our life.
A bit about us: DH is a librarian and was born and raised in Dublin, Ireland. He's a kind, gentle soul and his eyes are on God and me. He's amazing. I'm a bit of everything else that DH isn't, and I really have to work for my relationship with God (hard), That said, I'm passionate about my marriage and laser focused on trying to build a family with my husband, just in case sheer effort and focus can ever sway God one-way-or-the-other. Be honest, you know what I'm talking about UBER CHARTERS. I was born in the States (Jersey farm girl here!), but have called Virginia my home for almost 10 years now. We're in the middle of navigating the sale of my house in the US and coordinating immigration for permanent residence in Ireland. We originally made this decision before our heartbreaking losses.... because we wanted to be close to family when starting our own. Infertility doesn't care about your plans though, just fyi, so the choice is altogether for different reasons now. I need to be near a family that will surround us with love even is there are no children ahead for us, as much as that pains my fingers to type. In every way, they have been supportive and loving and understanding of our heartaches this past year and a half. I want to be close to them in spirit and in proximity...so to Ireland I will go.
We're just waiting on my house to sell now. It's the last teeny step before I expatriate. So a giant move and cultural shift are happening this year - on top of grieving the deaths and murders of several loved ones as well. 2014 has been brutal. If anything, we have been reminded how much we need prayers this year, like no other before it. We are incapable of anything without God in our lives. That is the clear message.
A bit about our month ahead - and why your prayers are so needed:
Somewhere in the midst of all the change ahead of us (where we're positive my cycle will descend into stupid and ugly territory) - we closed our eyes tight and prayed to God for direction this month. Do we leave this cycle on the table and just hope for better days ahead? Silence. Do we hold on tight and trust in your will? Silence. Do we make a concerted effort to TTC and let God work a miracle, if that's His plan? We both felt like that's what we were being called to (despite me having every excuse in the book for why that's an awful idea on paper right now). But God's will trumps my logic and so scrunched up face and all, I downed the double dose of clomid this month and found myself wondering if there was a possibility for anything but heartache ahead. It's true that my cycles has been more hope-filled and healthy looking this month (and last) than they have been in years. It's true that I would do anything for a baby (twins). It's true that I want to start a family and no silly practicality like money, stable housing, residency in a country, or any other ridiculous frivolity (eeeekkk) should have any bearing on God's will for my family.
All of this is to say that I am hanging on by a thread over here. A mighty, mighty, silk thread. And your prayers are so, so needed. And wanted. And appreciated.
The courage to hope is no small feat. Every post I've made on this blog has centered around the topic of Hope and where it freely pours from the springs above us. With your help and God's grace, I hope to not lose my mind these next few weeks in daring to believe in the impossible once again.
And just in case you wanted to know what I'm praying for and what I will be so bold as to ask you to join me in asking God to dole out.................well...............that would be............................. twins :)
Scared out of my mind to even try - and bold enough to beg for twins. That's about as appropriate of an introduction to me as anyone ever wrote :P
Thank you for reading my ramblings. Thank you for joining us in prayer for the impossible. Thank you for keeping us in mind this month. You truly have the capacity to take part in a miracle this month, if God wills it. We are one week into the 2ww right now and I'm congested, fevery, and exhausted.
Only time will tell what that means. Until then, yes, those are my brains oozing onto the sidewalk over there. Just step around them. Nothing to see here.
P.S. If this is your first time stopping by the blog, click on the 'humor' tab if you enjoy awful artwork. I illustrate the moments in life that Hall.mar.k. just doesn't seem to have any cards for...
P.P.S If you have any prayers left - yes I know I'm being a hog now - please pray for my luggage from a recent trip to be returned to me. I have no clean clothing or underwear until that suitcase is returned, since I'm mid-move.