I began reading blogs about fertility well before I started putting my thoughts into a blog of my own. One of the things that stood out to me in the sea of blogs that I came across was the 'Adopt-a-Blogger' prayer that is published on This Cross I Embrace. The reason it struck me was because it was one of the first really positive infertility thoughts I came across in the sea of despair being expressed on the topic.
It makes sense that no one LOVES being infertile. Not one of us would have signed up for it at a silent auction if it was up for bid. Am I right? Of course I am. What I think is so unique about adopting someone to pray for every month is that it's something I can *do* about infertility. So much of this walk is focused on myself, what I eat, how I exercise, what medicines I take, how they make me feel, what they do, what works and doesn't.... and all of that brings my focus right back to me.
Praying for someone else is something I have routinely seen God's grace in very clearly. While I sit here and struggle with my own prayers for myself and how to wrestle with my faith and my resolve and my struggles....I never struggle in praying for other people. I stand up and wrestle God with fearlessness for other people. Out loud. With gusto. Why is that?! Why does it occur to us to be such prayer warriors for others? I think it is a reminder that we're not supposed to be hyper-focused on ourselves all the time. We're here to help other people and to be supported by them much more than we're here to just focus on ourselves all the time.
That said, I've learned a lot about myself and how to pray because of the prayers I have prayed for others' intentions. My discussions with God have evolved over time because of the effort. And it's more of a dialogue now than me just barking and whining about my problems. Don't get me wrong - God's tough enough to manage that too. I just think I've gotten beyond that most days. Even saying that, I don't want you to think I'm sitting here glowing from all my praying virtue over here. I still think God listens especially attentively to the prayers I can't manage to pray out loud. You know - the ones said in between tears and breathless weeping. And there's lot of that going on in any given month over here.
Praying for people to receive the gifts I most want for myself seems to be the thing God routinely listens to me about. There's something to learn there, isn't there? Hi God, it's me - bonehead....
So, with all of that said - I so very much want a set of twins. You all know this by now don't you? (In my head it reads 'For God so loved world, He gave me twins...'). Anyway, I pray those prayers two-by-two, hoping God listens and just decides He needs to send some extra babies down to Earth and I'm offering free room and board in my womb for as many as He feels like handing me. So given that is the prayer I most often pray, I've decided to pray it for someone else this month. So look out Chateau D'IF - you've got some twin prayers coming your way.
I'll be praying for you every day, all month long. And I hope everyone reading here will join me.